and there is someone stepped into my life

a new arc has begun

Sad reality , Disappointment OVERload

12/3

I already gave up on everything over here, fake peoples, fuck you all, only find me when I am needed and totally didnt appreciate

hope you all can find another person as stupid as me will treat other group's assignment like his own one

just because a bit fucking mistake and you all gonna play politic and boycott me ?
fuck people
being alone is always better
i wont give a fuck to anyone anymore
eating with my laptop or smartphone is better than eating with you fakers

Things are always too obvious, it's just I couldnt accept it until recently.
nothing is real
promises , memories, oath, friendship,  this is what make me so weak
because of these, i keep getting used
i always hope anyone of this is real
but it isnt, that how reality it is

well, it is hopeless btw so why should give a fuck to you all ?
everything is fake at here, mirage , elusive
i shouldnt be getting so emotional over things at here
since after few more semesters, you all live or die is non of my concern anymore

yes, you all just faster graduate and get the hell out
go wherever you all want

i will endure this
i will endure few more semesters
i am ready for this
i keep telling myself
being alone isnt that bad after all
i can survive myself
i dont need others
i dont need fakers in my life
i am not good in acting
i cannot smile nor laugh to the ones i hate
i cannot accept the ones i hate
i cannot doing something together with someone I hate





yeah, i am weak , there are many things i cannot do
but
at least
I am truthful
to my feelings....
keep smiling ~  fakers





good luck to me

Like a flower inside a mirror, moon in a lake 镜花水月

When you are at outside, most of the things are just like 镜花水月, how do you define 镜花水月, it is depends on yourself  , it can be elusive , illusion , fake, mirage ... etc

do not simply believe on anyone, what you saw, what you heard. Except your family or the one who you really trusted, no one else has the obligation to treat you nicely.

so most of the things are not real, fake smiling, acting friendly, making promises.... bla bla bla

it is very hard to find people who will treat you back like how you treat them. So dont ever easily treat people nicely and put them on your priority list you would just get hurt in the end. Sometimes the ending is very obvious, but you just dgaf to it and hope there will be a change in the end and it always dont. 

We are no gods, we are just humans, miracle does not always happen

Things do not happen as we wish like we cannot change a person. Time only will revealed more to you, but it wont change a person. Basically humans are selfish, in many ways. in your lifetime, you should already meet these kind of people, just depends how long can you let go, move on, forget. Sometimes people are just too naive, they only believe on things that want to believe and think less about the consequences. Getting hurt in the end every fucking time.

People always say, learn form your mistake, i will learn it, maybe after repeated it 10 or more times.

today friends maybe become tomorrow's enemy, how many times do you get hurt by people that you close, that you trust ? but still you never fucking learn. If you do not trust them in the first place, do not put so much feeling in it, how the fuck would you get hurt so badly

FUCKING NAIVE !!!

how can you smile when you see someone you dislike ?
how can you talk to someone who make you uncomfortable ?
how can people acting so well infront of everyone ?
how can you all cheat over your feelings ?
cant you guys be alittle true to yourself ?

i cannot do this
i cannot smile to the one that i hate
i cannot talk to someone what make me so dissapointed
i cannot face someone who make feel uncomfortable
i tend to avoid
it is not wrong rite ?
i dont give a fuck about them
i want to move on
i think it is okay to unfollow someone else's Instagram, Wechat or even Facebook
why still keep it when you already decided that you wont give a fuck about them
everytime i see their post, it hurts , in the inside, deep inside

some people says my thinking are so wrong
but i just want to protect myself
i am so tired
i dont want to care
anymore

1/3

endless lonely night

Ever think about why do people sleep in the night ? I dont know about you, but my brain is damn energetic and sensitive which will lead to a illness call  'EMO'  

yeah, dont look down on this EMO thingy, it does kills people  

thinking too much can kill yourself

so ...  it's middle of  3.30am and guess what I am thinking ?
everything or anything that happened
I 'm thinking about my future, what will I do after i woke up, what to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner, where should i go tomorrow...  etc .So this is some normal and 'unavoided' staff that you will think about and ofcoz there will be more  ( more specific)  like:

1. few days ago i added a girl on FB, after around 30+ hours why she doesnt accept me yet ? Am I ugly ? Does my profile picture looks stupid ...  ?
2. There is a good-looking girl followed me on my Twitter ...  so ?  does she like me ? have interest on me ?  wait a minute ...  she have a boyfriend .....  (ya fuck) 
3. Why am I still fucking single ....   (Hell yeah)
4. few days ago we message each other and talk about anything, why today I feel like our distance has become further and further ?  did i do or say something wrong ?
5. Wondering what are my crushes doing ?  sleeping ? emo-ing ? 
6. when I can see Taylor Swift ? I love her   ( I'm okay with Ariana Grande too, she's quite hot and cute  ><  )
7. So ... when I will confess to my crushes ? and what will happen after i confess to them ...  (hmmm.... )
8. imagine I am some main character in some anime world ...  yeah !!  ( BANKAI !!! )
9. long story and basically it is unlimited thought of mine at the moment like this ,...   haha

Well I am tired thou ...  off to bed ~  Pie guys    ( Sleep early so that you wont be EMO... like me )

Human tend to think logically but get fucked up by emotions 

 go away emotions , go away~  shu shu ~

15/12/2014 after final exams Y2S1

another emo night as usual and I wanna to express my feeling. I just realized that I have a blog in 2009

haha, the name is 'crow' that's form a anime that i am very obsessed at that time when I am 16. It's called Air Gear and in 15/12/2014 i re-watched Air Gear, what a coincidence. That time i am still Form 3, I am a troublesome kid  at that time ( we all are the same rite ?), always argue with my parents and I hate them at that time, they are annoying and keep ordering me around. I hate my house, I want to leave, i want to go somewhere else, some where far ...  that is what I'm thinking at that time.

people just dont know how to appreciate

So....  after my spm i went to foundation at UTAR (Pj campus).  that's my uni life

i met some friends, i am happy at that time because it feels like I have taken my first step in 'leaving' my house (LOL) I enjoyed my friends called me Bojio, Bojio Gor...  it just make me feels like I am special but I am not. I'm just a immature boy. I am so childish and lame. Talk loudly , lame jokes, bullshits, do some crazy things to get attention like changing my cloth and pants in lecture class when the lecturer is teaching infront ( Mr,Rasool )   haha, I like Mr Rasool, he's so nice and humor, I think he is not good in remembering name , so he called me Mr . Invalid.

having friends is a good thing, but having a brother is better

I wonder since when i lose my confidence in doing anything, maybe i am nervous ? timid ? I had some crush on some girls (quite alot) and I dont even talk to them

i am shy and very nervous infront of them, maybe i am afraid , afraid to lose them when i confessed to them, i am just a immature boy as i said just now, i dont stand a chance, it's not like if you say it out loud, you will get it. there is no such things in earth. I am not very good in studies, not good looking, not rich...  why me ? ya, i dont really want to think so much about it so i choose to keep quiet. i do text them of them often, but after sometime , we just treat each others like stranger. i have alots of experience in treating or being treat like a stranger by someone that i'm USED to be very very close....  

is this my problem ? my additude ? maybe i cant handle relationships very well i choose to run away rather thn facing it. It's SO hurt when you see someone and you forced to treat them like strangers because you have nothing to say to them and it will be akward when you say something to them especially your ex-crushes. the the messages, photos, meamories.... i dont deleted them, i keep it look at them when i am emo, laugh alone , cry alone , and blaming myself if i confessed at that time, she might be my gf but deep in my heart, i knw it's impossible even i try ...

miracles don't happen, we are living on earth after all

that is what i am thinking all along, i mean this world is unfair and it's not like you will get the desire outcome when you try hard ( this is what exam taught me). I am sucks in meamorize things but exam is all about meamorize some useless things you will be forgetting after the next day of finals. I did try hard but i just get a normal grade. I do not try hardm i still get a normal grade so why dafuk should i put so much effort in exam ? I think that those who put so many efforts and made yourself stress because of some fucking exam is so so so dumb, MORON !!!

uni life is not about getting a good grades, is about passing

i dont stress when finals (got abit nervous lol) , it's not like i control the outcome and i dont care the results anymore, no one cares if i get 2.0, 3,0 or 4.0 .  I hate it when people cares so much about their results, it dont means you are very smart, you are just good in meamorising and you know why ? coz you are fk brainless so inside your head have more space to fill in those bullshits. before finals, i went cc to ply dota alone. why ? i dont knw , maybe wanna show off that i am very relax ? dont care ? but i dont like failing.  ( paradox )

there is something you will not be able to used to it...  forever