15/12/2014 after final exams Y2S1

another emo night as usual and I wanna to express my feeling. I just realized that I have a blog in 2009

haha, the name is 'crow' that's form a anime that i am very obsessed at that time when I am 16. It's called Air Gear and in 15/12/2014 i re-watched Air Gear, what a coincidence. That time i am still Form 3, I am a troublesome kid  at that time ( we all are the same rite ?), always argue with my parents and I hate them at that time, they are annoying and keep ordering me around. I hate my house, I want to leave, i want to go somewhere else, some where far ...  that is what I'm thinking at that time.

people just dont know how to appreciate

So....  after my spm i went to foundation at UTAR (Pj campus).  that's my uni life

i met some friends, i am happy at that time because it feels like I have taken my first step in 'leaving' my house (LOL) I enjoyed my friends called me Bojio, Bojio Gor...  it just make me feels like I am special but I am not. I'm just a immature boy. I am so childish and lame. Talk loudly , lame jokes, bullshits, do some crazy things to get attention like changing my cloth and pants in lecture class when the lecturer is teaching infront ( Mr,Rasool )   haha, I like Mr Rasool, he's so nice and humor, I think he is not good in remembering name , so he called me Mr . Invalid.

having friends is a good thing, but having a brother is better

I wonder since when i lose my confidence in doing anything, maybe i am nervous ? timid ? I had some crush on some girls (quite alot) and I dont even talk to them

i am shy and very nervous infront of them, maybe i am afraid , afraid to lose them when i confessed to them, i am just a immature boy as i said just now, i dont stand a chance, it's not like if you say it out loud, you will get it. there is no such things in earth. I am not very good in studies, not good looking, not rich...  why me ? ya, i dont really want to think so much about it so i choose to keep quiet. i do text them of them often, but after sometime , we just treat each others like stranger. i have alots of experience in treating or being treat like a stranger by someone that i'm USED to be very very close....  

is this my problem ? my additude ? maybe i cant handle relationships very well i choose to run away rather thn facing it. It's SO hurt when you see someone and you forced to treat them like strangers because you have nothing to say to them and it will be akward when you say something to them especially your ex-crushes. the the messages, photos, meamories.... i dont deleted them, i keep it look at them when i am emo, laugh alone , cry alone , and blaming myself if i confessed at that time, she might be my gf but deep in my heart, i knw it's impossible even i try ...

miracles don't happen, we are living on earth after all

that is what i am thinking all along, i mean this world is unfair and it's not like you will get the desire outcome when you try hard ( this is what exam taught me). I am sucks in meamorize things but exam is all about meamorize some useless things you will be forgetting after the next day of finals. I did try hard but i just get a normal grade. I do not try hardm i still get a normal grade so why dafuk should i put so much effort in exam ? I think that those who put so many efforts and made yourself stress because of some fucking exam is so so so dumb, MORON !!!

uni life is not about getting a good grades, is about passing

i dont stress when finals (got abit nervous lol) , it's not like i control the outcome and i dont care the results anymore, no one cares if i get 2.0, 3,0 or 4.0 .  I hate it when people cares so much about their results, it dont means you are very smart, you are just good in meamorising and you know why ? coz you are fk brainless so inside your head have more space to fill in those bullshits. before finals, i went cc to ply dota alone. why ? i dont knw , maybe wanna show off that i am very relax ? dont care ? but i dont like failing.  ( paradox )

there is something you will not be able to used to it...  forever